[WIP] sidequest (4/21)

[aroberuka]

Fandom: The Scum Villain Self-Saving System
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Shen Yuan & Shen Jiu & Yue Qingyuan
Summary: A Shen twins AU. When a botched ritual traps Yue Qingyuan into a dream made of his own memories, it’s up to Shen Yuan and his brother to dive into his mind to find him - and, maybe, reconcile with their shared past in the process.
Content Notes: Canon-typical child abuse and assorted backstory traumas.

#4, in which our protagonist complains about the lack of canon divergence in this, a canon divergent fanfic.

first | previous

***

At the end of the street came the end of the rain, like flipping off a switch. The dirt road became less and less of a road until suddenly, between one step and the next, the two of them were walking through a forest of redwood trees. Shen Yuan looked around, fascinated despite himself. There had to be some kind of pattern here, a logic to how the two sets connected. Even dream logic, tenuous as it was, made some kind of sense to the initiated - and of course this was no ordinary dream. He was still pondering this when he almost bumped into his brother’s back. Shen Jiu had stopped in his tracks and was staring ahead, radiating tension. Shen Yuan leaned around him to see, and all thoughts of dreams and logic immediately fled from his brain. His heart gave a painful lurch as a much more familiar scene unfolded before them.

That day, that day - when Shen Yuan had pictured that day -

Well. Suffice to say he had thought about it a lot. How long would they have to wait? When would Qi-ge come back for them? Would he arrive in broad daylight, a respected cultivator, to shame the Qius into letting them go, or would it be a more covert affair, a dark reckoning for all of Qiu Jianluo’s fucked-up games? Nothing had seemed out of the realm of possibility.

A year had passed, then two. Shen Yuan had stopped wondering. He'd comforted himself with the knowledge that Yue Qi had to be alive somewhere, that they were bound by canon to meet again someday. He just had to be careful in the meantime, he just had to avoid whatever ill fate had befallen the original goods.

Well, here was their fucking reunion: in some nameless, demon-infested woods, with a bunch of Cang Qiong disciples out for the count and Wu Yanzi choking around Shen Jiu’s knife in his throat. From across the clearing Yue Qingyuan stared at them both, eyes wide and wild. At the time, Shen Yuan had found him almost unrecognizable. Taller and broader - healthier, his skin no-longer flea-bitten - he stood very proud in his charcoal grey uniform (they could never have afforded the length, the layers), hair pulled into a loose but proper topknot, held with a simple band (was this real silver?! Qi-ge, you really have moved up!). This was a stranger, inexplicably wearing their big brother's face. His eyes kept going from one twin to the next. Shen Yuan wondered, idly, if he'd ever lost the ability to differentiate them.

"You - both of you!"

"Us," Shen Jiu spat. "Are you surprised, Seven?"

The younger Shen Yuan, who up to this point had only been happy to see Qi-ge again, was brought short by the venom in his voice. All in a rush, things that he'd conveniently set aside all these years came back to him. Right. These characters were never meant to reconcile. Whatever kinship had once existed between them was destined to fester and rot until Shen Qingqiu, years later and on the other side of his descent into villainy, would help draw Yue Qingyuan into the trap that would kill him. Torn between two sets of conflicting memories, Shen Yuan hovered, uncertain.

In his past self's indecision, Shen Yuan saw a pattern emerge that would last for years: Yue Qingyuan apologized; Shen Jiu, unforgiving, would grant him no quarter; and what was he, stuck in the middle, to do about it? No matter whose body his soul had been clumsily shoved into, he was still an outsider here, a cuckoo in the nest. What went down between these two was none of his business. Better stay out of it.

But fuck, no-one had ever told him he'd have to relive this moment through Yue Qingyuan's eyes! It was excruciating, the overwhelming confusion, hope, joy - this was a man who had just seen his wildest dream come true and did not know how to deal - all dashed in an instant against the rock of Shen Jiu's stone-cold countenance.

"He was happy," he said. That had been a point of contention between them, ever since that day. "He was really, truly happy to see us."

Shen Jiu laughed, short and cruel.

"Maybe. And so what? He's happy when a dog wags its tail at him."

"That's not fair."

"Yes, well, neither was abandoning us to the Qius."

"You're the one who told him to leave!"

As soon as the words left his mouth, Shen Yuan knew it had been the wrong thing to say. Shen Jiu's face shuttered at once, his mask faultless, his walls unbreachable. Only his fan flickered faster, sharp, precise movements that betrayed his irritation.

"Right. It's all my fault, then. Yue Qingyuan is, as always, blameless in everything. Glad we've established that."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"And what did you mean, then? Am I unfair? Am I cruel? Should I be nicer to Cang Qiong's shining star, now that we know he was at least happy we made it out in spite of him?" As he spoke, he raised his chin higher, lifted up by his own indignation. "I'm sure he'll survive the ignominy of his shortcomings being brought to light in the privacy of his own mind."

This was not a fight Shen Yuan was equipped to win. He let his brother have the final word. Pleased with his surrender, Shen Jiu snapped his fan shut and stalked off, looking for the next exit point. Shen Yuan watched him leave, heart and mind in turmoil.

"Come to Cang Qiong," Yue Qingyuan was saying, painfully hopeful, and it sounded like come with me, it sounded like come home. Shen Jiu recoiled from it like he'd been slapped. Shen Yuan couldn't even bear to look at his own past self. His hands shook with the urge to shove him forward, shake him until he did something, anything, to cut off this nonsense before it could really get going.

He got it, alright! He'd had almost three years to reflect on this moment! He didn't need it shoved in his face to know what he'd done wrong! But no-one had warned him about this! No-one had said, hey, by the way, remember the two most ignominous death scenes in the entire, sprawling, website-crashing saga that is Proud Immortal Demon Way? Well here they are, young and hanging on by a thread and about to crash into each other until there's nothing left of them but unrecognizable pieces. Have fun!

Could anything be salvaged from this wreckage? Canon said no, and nothing he had seen so far had given him any hope of meaningful divergence. Despite everything, despite him, canon barrelled ever onwards.

Shen Yuan followed after Shen Qingqiu, unwilling to leave him alone for too long, uncertain if it was for his sake or Yue Qingyuan's.

***

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